Oh henry....

My little car has been through a lot this year.... new back tires....new radiator hose, new brake light, alignment...new back breaks... window rolling up issues in the middle of the night.....minor ice tire vs curb....(thank you Mormon church for changing my tire in the freezing rain...litterally.) Re inflate flat tire r/t curb/ice issue--please ask for the entire version of this story...its incredible.--discover the need for new front breaks while getting tire fixed... "Um you need new front breaks... like yesterday" (OH GREAT), go back on the weekend for new front breaks... "Um so in the two days since you have been here, You ran over a nail with your back tire...and the treads are low on them anyhow so...." New back tires....New front breaks...get window fixed while they are at it("I had to roll it up and down like 7 times before it did what you said it was doing" (I hadn't used the window for 3 months...)...and ps your back break light was out.... um... ok......A week later...i have now used my new window like three times, it works almost like new, i notice it is a little funny, but whatever it goes up and down. No problem.

not.

Oh, Henry, come on!

Sunday night, midnight, Sarah pulls up to the back to get monies for going out with the girls.... roll down the window right... not...window makes a funny noise and slides off track again while attempting to roll it up. Oh henry. So parked in the middle of the bank parking lot, in the dark, freezing cold I get out of the car and try to coax my window to close... pull, push, roll up, push pull try to roll it up....until it is about a 1/2 from the top and side....I figure thats pretty good since it was really struggling....drive to Harrisburg, hang out with the girls, go home, sleep really badly all day.....which is like not sleeping....

...go to work.... roll down wind-CRACK/POP-ouch henry that kinda sounds like it hurts.... badge into garage through half open window...trying not to laugh and cry from being way to tired and nearly late for work....and having not been able to fix my coffee at home for lack of creamer a little extra cranky. OH henry. sigh. tear. giggle.

In an attempt not to be any later for work...i jiggle the window again like the night before, push, pull roll, pull and roll, push and roll....this time it is even colder, and i feel even sillier since there are people whizzing past me in the garage staring at me.... it went about halfway.5 and proceeded to make more horrible noises as I tried to roll it up....It refused to be rolled. ...Oh screw it I think...the window is about 3/4 of the way up....I put my stereo away and make a mad dash for the time clock....half way there I realized I left my half made coffee on the dashboard... Oh no, not without my coffee tonight, forget it if I am late, I NEED THAT COFFEE.

Needless to say my window sat open in the garage all night... It was so busy I didn't get to fix my coffee until 4 hours after I had started work... No one tried to steal anything from my car, the security guards teased me for my window being down....and it was really cold driving to the car shop this morning.... *Jingle* enter car shop, "Oh, no What did you break this time"...says Roger, my car shop guy. Oh HENRY, I swear this time it wasn't my fault!

Rescued by my dear friend Julia, only a night shift girl would be nearly home at 745 am and come get you from the shop and have breakfast with you and take you home so you can sleep.

MLIA.

Oh....henry what am I going to do.... Ps the front right headlight is out too....

music and lyrics...

So I understand that most people are annoyed by blogs that continually only have lyrics posted on them. For the reader it is boring, its not enough like poetry to want to read all 8 verses and the chorus...and the bridge....and then another 3 verses. But for the writer, the poster of the lyrics, its like fireworks. Those lyrics, that song, the music, moved them. Not just like "oh thats a pretty song", but that there was motivation, encouragement, dance, or life that was inspired and created when the poster first hear that song and that in the moment that they heard it was the perfect one. *EXPLOSION*....Fireworks. I know that you have all experienced what it is like to be move by a music or lyrics and the combination of the two. So. If you don't care to read the lyrics, I am not offended, because I often do not like to read other peoples lyrics... "Oh...what did so and so post today...oh its just lyrics...no need to read all that..besides i don't really have time."...To the poster, lyrics are about the fact that they wish to share with those they love and/or the world around them the inspiration, life or whatever it was about that combination of music and lyrics that created fireworks in their life, they wish to provide others with the same fireworks..or a potential to spread the flame to someone else...to share joy, love, encouragement, and dance.

And really when all is said and done, a blog is more for the writer than the reader in that it is an outlet more than a watering tank. So If you don't care to read my lyrics, its really ok, I am not offended in the least.... But you could look up the song...because if you happen to like music and the many things that it does to make life in this world a much better place... look up my song and listen to it....it sounds better than it reads....and it was probably the combination that struck me in the first place, because when i read the lyrics, I hear the music, and I am dancing in my head.

We're here where the daylight begins

The fog on the streetlight slowly thins
Water on water's the way
The safety of shoreline fading away

Sail your sea
Meet your storm
All I want is to be your harbor
The light in me
Will guide you home
All I want is to be your harbor

Fear is the brightest of signs
The shape of the boundary you leave behind
So sing all your questions to sleep
The answers are out there in the drowning deep

You've got a journey to make
There's your horizon to chase
So go far beyond where we stand
No matter the distance
I'm holding your hand

Harbor-Vienna Teng

Location Temporary

Dive into the sleep that's waiting
Back at home the stars are fading
And you're nowhere
You're nowhere

Waking up in winter snow
The car is shaking. I don't know
How we got so far away
I guess we drove for twenty days

But the dunes move in so slowly
They swallowed a cemetery
Beside the estuary
Location's temporary

-mirah

I was going to go to bed but...My life is Average.

A good friend recently introduced me to a web page called "My life is average" (http://mylifeisaverage.com/index.html)

I nearly died laughing at this stuff. Its amazing.

This morning if I could have an entry on this site, I think it would read something like this,

"I wasn't going to eat breakfast today, I was just going to go to bed after a horrible night. Since I came home to a disastrous kitchen, I went to make a cup of tea, realizing I was hungry and all the pots were dirty (I own 2), I decided to make hard boiled eggs in the microwave. Simple. Bowl of water, plus eggs microwave for 8 minutes = quick, mess-less breakfast, (without having to do the dishes.) I managed to stuff the dishwasher and at least clean the counter tops while my eggs cooked and the kettle boiled. DING, oh good they're done. I took them out of the water, placed them on a towel, broke the shell of one to make sure it was cooked. Check. Moved them to the other counter to run them under cold water, when all of a sudden I hear a gun shot. (Insert noise of an explosion here). 2 words. Spontaneous Combustion. The first egg literally just kind of POP*ed and there it was egg splattered all over my kitchen like a paint ball. I laughed. Out loud. I stare down the second egg wondering if the same thing is going to happen to it, or if it was just a fluke kind of thing. I decide to chance it and grab a towel and run it under some cold water. Again I break the shell to peel the egg. And Fizzle, gurgle. POP. Round #2 Spontaneous Combustion. I guess I should have done the dishes. MLIA."

I cannot even explain to you how hilarious this was after one of the worst 12 hour shifts, and after several recent kitchen flops in the last 2 days. I already had frosting on my walls from Thursday nights cake episode. I actually burst into laughter. more than once. I wish I had a picture but I couldn't find my camera card. My hysterical thing that has happened to me since I got chased by the naked Spanish lady covered in poop at work.

I really wish there had been someone there to witness this with me because I think we would have been rolling on the floor. My life may or may not be average, but it certainly is amusing.

Lesson for the day: Laugh. Find joy in the ridiculosity of life. If not yours, at least mine ;)

-sj

There was something I was thinking and.....

I was gonna blog about something last night, that I thought was important...But I cant remember what it is now.

So I think I am going to bed.

I seem to be falling apart...put my world together..take my world apart... love me still

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

-jars of clay

exhaustion

I am exhausted beyond all possible levels of human exhaustion.

Physically drained.

Emotionally shot.

Wasted on trying to figure it out.

Tired of smiling.

Too tired to cry.

On the edge of being sick.

Sleepy, but sleepless.

Tormented within my body.

Lost.

Lonely.

Aware of surrounding love, yet in total silence.

Not wanting to be alone

Not wanting to speak.

Just to be.

Just me.

Empty.

Broken.

Restless.

Lost.

Confused.

Wanting.

Trying.

Clueless.

Startless.

Endless.

Anxious.

Imperfect.

guilty.

shameful.

depressed.

desolate.

disaster.

gut-wrenched.

nauseous.

agonizing.

Emotional.

Tearless.

Tired.

Exhausted beyond all human possibility.

"CAN I GET SOME HELP OVER HERE!"

Please. help. Soon.

S.O.S

Find me. I'm missing. I know I love you. I know you love me.

But I can't feel you. And I am getting scared.

I got bit

...by the night shift bug...

I started working night shift a couple months ago now, and I am addicted. I love it, and I dont know why...but it works for me. Its a little ridiculous though, tonight..well this morning i guess i tried to go to bed at 130am because I was actaully really tired, so I went to bed... infact i was in bed by like 1130. so 130 was reasonable... I slept for about 2 hours... and then I woke up again, Hungry. So here I am at 5am, status post 1 bowel of oatmeal (beacause that is the only edible thing in my house right now) and 2 cups of tea....trying to get tired enough again to go back to bed...

The point was to be able to get up at a decent hour tomorrow and get stuff done, as in before noon.... we will see about that...

My poor little Henry isnt sounding right... I know he is old ok but he has been very faithful and the little Jalepaño did trek all the way to New Hampshire and back just a few weeks ago....but ever since something just doesn't feel right, or sound right driving him. I hope he isnt sick, :(.

He does need his oil changed. I want to learn to do that myself, add to my car knowledge.

New fun big word phrase: Plausible Deniability. Thanks Heis. ;)

Most awkward thing that was said to me: (while exiting the dance floor at the 40&8) "Oh! Does he do you like he does her ?" (said with great enthusiasm by a lady in her upper 40's-50's) (awkward pause, and hysterical laughter here.)

So i live in my own little place now and I am thrilled about it, I have flowers (and I havent killed them yet),but if i don't get my screen door to slide open again they are going to die a slow and droughtful death. I have a sewing corner and I just finished my first quilt and it is super cute and I have chalkboards painted on my walls. And I love it! :)

Mmmm starting to fade again maybe it is time to go back to bed....

I know its forever...but its me...

So I have become a night shift girl. I hate getting up at 530 am ...it makes me miserable ... I hate the way I feel when my alarm goes off, I hate that I sleep poorly because I am afraid I won't hear my alarm, and I hate that it takes me till 11am to wake up enough to feel safe doing my job....not that I ever really feel safe at it... there is constant risk. However I am starting to find my niche... (that's a funny word)...anyhow I like the 3pm-3am shift...most everyone else I work with thinks I am crazy for that...but I like it... or 7p to 3a..... and I now whether I am working or not, my body thinks that 4am is time for dinner, and 430a is time for bed....sleep till 1pm and I am good to go....Its a little crazy, not something I thought I would like ever...but It fits right now ...so ...go with the flow...

I moved into a one bedroom apartment all of my own....everyone says...won't you be lonely... answer: sometimes...but mostly, I LOVE IT. Decorated just how I want it... candles everywhere, my bathroom is like being at the beach, filled with bath and body works, i have a sewing station in the living/dining room area...(who needs a dinning room table anyways...) a decent sized kitchen for an apartment...and TONS of closet space...not something I have ever had... annnnnd a balcony, on which my little plants are growing, I bought some pretty flowers today from a roadside stand they are very pretty. I like dirt.

I accidentally froze all the produce and most of the rest of the food, including my water pitcher in the fridge in an effort to make my freezer colder to freeze the margarita stuff for our girls night...which ended up not freezing, and with just me and Sam...it was still way fun, Center Stage and chatting till 2am while eating cookies...and maybe a small dance party...definitely a good evening....(excluding the fact that I am still coughing)

Upper respiratory infection ....left over from whatever virus I got from my patient at work that coughed right in my face, so close I could feel it on my face. I leaning to listen to her heart and said 'Take a deep breath in please" and I was looking at her mouth open as I was speaking and she coughed as she was trying to take a deep breath...not a little cough, like a "Hi, I have been coughing for weeks and can't get rid of my bronchitis" kind of cough. I knew that was the end of it, it was like I inhaled her whole cough. Gross. annnd I got sick ...fluish for 2 days....and now this irritating cough that will probably last for two weeks. And a stuffy nose. (At least I got rid of the virus, I didn't turn into a Swine, and I didn't puke my guts out, all things to be thankful for.)

So here I am 248am, still awake, should be in bed, but I don't have to work tomorrow so why sleep anyways...I have all day... except the sun comes in my window in the morning and wakes me at all hours...and I keep forgetting to buy an eye mask. o-well.

Some days I feel like an adult, a woman, my own place, good job, big girl bed, bills, buying furniture....and then you meet someone, or do something, and there I am feeling 16 again...gees some days I feel like I am in high school again...confused as all get out... know idea what to say, or do or act...awkward...silly...and still totally confused about who I am and what I think and believe...

Somethings I know deep down in my heart... but its hard to keep them on the surface sometimes...and other things creep in...How do you get that stuff that is deep down in your heart, what you know is true, to be on the surface too? How do you get that stuff to be the everyday stuff, and not stuck on the shelf? Beats me...any suggestions ?

Starting to fade...time to attempt sleep...

thanks for tuning in to the ridiculous life of me. Glad my friends love me despite the fact that I am completely and utterly insane... sanity is overrated anyways.

I just had a revelation. Rasberry. Well, Raspberry. is spelled with a P.  a silent p. Like the fruit that I love, that we used to pick when I was little. (despite the fact that I didn't like to go raspberry picking because there were a lot of spiders, and spider webs and other bugs in the bushes....and it entailed getting up early...go figure.) Also the very first well known flavor or scent as some people say, of the great Bath & Body Works. Sun Ripened Raspberry. (I remember when I realized that store existed....bad news bears.... PS they are having a sale on hand soap 4 for 10$ until Sunday...) 

Raspberry jello, popsicles, lollipops, vanilla ice cream and raspberry sauce that my dad would make....this word looks really funny when you type it so many times...

"The raspberry (plural, raspberries) is the edible fruit of a multitude of plant species in the subgenus Idaeobatus of the genus Rubus; the name also applies to these plants themselves. The name originally referred to the European species Rubus idaeus (withred fruit) still used as its standard English name.^[1]"  

(Thank you Wikipedia.)

The fruit really is good for so many things...jam, pie, jello, pop tarts, iced tea, martinis, margaritas, vodkas, chambord, vinaigrettes,  salad, chutney, sauces, smoothies, trifiles, candies, cookies, tarts, cheesecakes, turffles, bon bons, sorbets,...flavor for almost anything edible, drinkable, or smokable, ...baked, boiled, frozen, pureed, gelatinized.....usable in every dessert known to man... and Pancakes, how could I have forgotten raspberry pancakes and matching syrup....

Its not just edible though, its also color of fabric, paint, nailpolish, lipstick, blush, flowers, and the carpet burn on your elbow. 

Its a wonder, really,  that I never knew how to spell it properly... Raspberry

    

Amused, hungry or really ready for summer?

                                   ... Mmmmm Raspberry

I don't even know where to start

So my life right now....my room still a mess... go figure :)....I work 40 hours a week, (not complaining, stating) i have decided that I like evening shifts best...if you find me awake at 4:30 in the morning it  is likely because I got off work at 3am. (my favorite 12 hour shift (3p-3a) or 8 hour (3p-11p or 7p-3a)...and rainbow brite agrees) I despise getting up early. I loathe 5:30am like you would not beleive, so on the occasion that I work day shift, I am probably cranky, and totally disoriented to what time of day it is.

However, I don't hate my job. (didn't think that would happen)

I actuallt don't dread going to work, and enjoy most of what I do, and everynow and then I end up with hilarious and amazing or ridiculous stories...If you have a strong enough stomach I will be more than happy to tell you, but I hate stopping in the middle because you can't handle to hear about it...so don't ask if you don think you can where the wild things are:)

I like most of the people I work with, I have one good friend, and several nice ones, and I get along with almost everyone. I generally have a lot patience, but I feel my tolerence for stupid people getting lower and lower with each day....at least last day...maybe it was just a bad week. 

However I am presently recovering in Conneticut...although I am returning home tomorrow...It has been a really nice break to spend some time away, other than the hospital, or my room....  and to see the sunlight. It was ACTUALLY nice outside on two of my days off, as in blue sky's, sunshine and nearly warm weather. 

I want to live by the beach. Period. I love the ocean and I want to live somewhere within half and hour of the beach.

I want someone to want to know me. To care about me. To appreciate me. It sounds selfish, I know that. But I do. and I know God does all those things, but there is still something lacking in the physical. The touchable, the face to face conversations, hugs, caring glances, someone to eat my cookies and creations. Forgive my rant, I don't mean to be all "woe is me" I'm just saying ya know, it gets lonely sometimes. 

I think I lost myself, I can't figure out who I am, where I am, what I am, where I came from, how I became this girl, woman that I seems so foriegn to me, so far from who and what I used to be, and probably light years from where I want to be or who I want to be...and who God wants me to be. The woman I am "meant" to be... Oh bother

In happy news, my dear friend Jenni had her baby today, Isabella Erin Reese Manis, 7lbs 7 oz 19inches, and an all natural birth ! I am sooo excited to be Auntie SarahJean, and so proud of my Jenni!!!!

And Happy birthday my Korianne, I miss you dear.

...The adventures of Carly's House next to be posted...

It's been awhile...

So I realize that its now a different year than when I started...and it has been awhile...

Last time you heard about my pet, incase you were wondering, she is as wonderful as ever (I bet you still wish you had a pet as cool as mine ;) )

I hardly know where to start. Or what to actually write about... the perpetual state of disaster my bedroom is in...it looks like it got hit by a tornado...every two weeks when I do laundry so that I have clean scrubs for work, it gets tidied back to a neat organized manner in which I can see the floor...If I am lucky, it will look like that for two days....  I just dont have the motivation to clean it up everyday, and i am continuously running late, so if I took the time to put things away while I was getting ready for whatever it is I am running out the door for I would actually be late...despite the sound of it, I am almost always ontime for work, in fact I have only been late the day I thought my schedule was differnt than it was... other than that I manage to make it just in time... as for other things in life...well... I run late... Oh well, pretty sure my friends understand...I have always been this way...

To. Be. Continued.