I don't even know where to start

So my life right now....my room still a mess... go figure :)....I work 40 hours a week, (not complaining, stating) i have decided that I like evening shifts best...if you find me awake at 4:30 in the morning it  is likely because I got off work at 3am. (my favorite 12 hour shift (3p-3a) or 8 hour (3p-11p or 7p-3a)...and rainbow brite agrees) I despise getting up early. I loathe 5:30am like you would not beleive, so on the occasion that I work day shift, I am probably cranky, and totally disoriented to what time of day it is.

However, I don't hate my job. (didn't think that would happen)

I actuallt don't dread going to work, and enjoy most of what I do, and everynow and then I end up with hilarious and amazing or ridiculous stories...If you have a strong enough stomach I will be more than happy to tell you, but I hate stopping in the middle because you can't handle to hear about it...so don't ask if you don think you can where the wild things are:)

I like most of the people I work with, I have one good friend, and several nice ones, and I get along with almost everyone. I generally have a lot patience, but I feel my tolerence for stupid people getting lower and lower with each day....at least last day...maybe it was just a bad week. 

However I am presently recovering in Conneticut...although I am returning home tomorrow...It has been a really nice break to spend some time away, other than the hospital, or my room....  and to see the sunlight. It was ACTUALLY nice outside on two of my days off, as in blue sky's, sunshine and nearly warm weather. 

I want to live by the beach. Period. I love the ocean and I want to live somewhere within half and hour of the beach.

I want someone to want to know me. To care about me. To appreciate me. It sounds selfish, I know that. But I do. and I know God does all those things, but there is still something lacking in the physical. The touchable, the face to face conversations, hugs, caring glances, someone to eat my cookies and creations. Forgive my rant, I don't mean to be all "woe is me" I'm just saying ya know, it gets lonely sometimes. 

I think I lost myself, I can't figure out who I am, where I am, what I am, where I came from, how I became this girl, woman that I seems so foriegn to me, so far from who and what I used to be, and probably light years from where I want to be or who I want to be...and who God wants me to be. The woman I am "meant" to be... Oh bother

In happy news, my dear friend Jenni had her baby today, Isabella Erin Reese Manis, 7lbs 7 oz 19inches, and an all natural birth ! I am sooo excited to be Auntie SarahJean, and so proud of my Jenni!!!!

And Happy birthday my Korianne, I miss you dear.

...The adventures of Carly's House next to be posted...